December 2015

Gifts we'd like to bestow

’Tis the season of giving and, not to be outdone, the Free Press wants to bestow some fantastic gifts on some people and institutions that richly deserve them (The key word here is “fantastic.”)

So here we go:

For regular attendees of Montezuma County Commission meetings: Bionic ears to allow them to hear and understand Commissioner James Lambert’s mysterious sotto voce contributions to the dialogue.

For the commissioners themselves: Something they’d really like: The Dolores-Norwood Road, free and clear, and the funds to properly maintain it. (And then maybe a glass of milk and plate of cookies for the Forest Service’s Dolores District Ranger Derek Padilla for enduring so many discussions on the subject.)

For the American Lands Council, the nonprofit that collects hundreds of thousands of dollars in contributions, mostly from county commissions such as ours, to “educate” people about giving public lands to the states: A legitimate purpose beyond supporting its key staff members – Utah Rep. Ken Ivory and his wife – with our tax monies.

For San Juan County, Utah, Commissioner Phil Lyman: A “do-over” so he could go back in time to May 2014 and, instead of leading an illegal ATV ride through Recapture Canyon, lead a hovercraft parade that would never touch the ground and thus leave archaeological treasures intact, incurring no citations.

For rural Montezuma County residents who’ve discovered their mailboxes rudely caved in and/or knocked off their posts: Fancy new ones built of titanium, neutronium, or some other element impervious to repeated blows from a baseball bat or shotgun.

For Colorado schools: A “positive” factor to counteract the “negative” financial shenanigans of the state legislature.

For Peyton Manning: The fountain of youth.

For newspapers in general: A future.

For the Four Corners: Big snow this winter, a late snowmelt, and good rafting this spring.

For Donald Trump: A modicum – just a modicum – of humility, tact, or human kindness.

And for all the residents of this sorry old world that at times seems so harsh and cruel: Food when you’re hungry, warmth when you’re cold, humor when you’re sad, and all the love you could ever want. (Or at least need.)

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa, and Happy Holidays from the Free Press.