By Suzanne Strazza
I just cleaned out my truck.
Before you get too excited, it was a surface clean.
No rags, cleansing agents, or muscle power used in the process.
And I didn’t actually get to the glove compartment or the ashtray-slash-mini junk drawer. I also didn’t touch the center console because I am afraid to venture there. I finally packed everything in there tightly enough that it tenuously closed. Opening it would be like a Jack in the Box.
But I did hit the front seat, back seat and bed of the truck, and I would like to share with you what I found.
I think that this says a whole awful lot about my life these days.
(The order of the list reflects the order in which I found things.)
7 empty bags of swine food
1 can spray-on cross-country ski wax
14 empty egg cartons
My boyfriend’s road atlas because I can’t find my own
Running shoes Tretorns (tennis shoes that are currently serving as gardening shoes)
My father’s favorite wool blanket that went to see Dolly Parton at Red Rocks
1 green work glove, plus 2 purple ones
A small collection of Band-Aid wrappers
Just under $17 in change
6 mini (full) notebooks
1 leaky ballpoint pen
8 empty protein shake bottles – bulking up, you know
(HA! Have you seen my skinny arms?)
1 bug headnet
1 tin bucket with my gardening tools
Another tin bucket with gardening tools that aren’t mine (?)
Ziploc bags galore – we can’t reuse them at work and I can’t bear to throw them away
Bill Henry’s clean-out-my-truck broom
1/3 bag stale pita chips
1 jar peanut butter
Menu from the Cattle Drive Coffee Shop – they serve Moose and More (danger danger)
One hot-water bottle (otherwise known as a douche bag)
Some sort of Makita power tool
1 pair of long underwear
A plastic spoon – broken but still usable if I am careful with my upper lip
Where are my jumper cables?
They apparently live in the garage instead of the car
3 crazy creek chairs
2 shirts from the free box
1 skirt for the free box
My ditch boots – yay, both of them!
A Blue Jay Track jacket (my children haven’t run track since middle school – has it been in my car for 4 years?)
1 dog chewy
30-something gauze pads (no Band- Aids, tape, etc.)
A basket of water bottles – no lids 1 sock
4 cam straps
2 empty mosquito sprays
A just-in-case Rubbermaid containing a Carhartt jacket, a running jacket, 2 pairs of pants, 1 pair of shorts, 2 long sleeved shirts and a sleeping bag
Oh, and another pair of running shoes
Mike’s Alaska raincoat – he wore it holding a stop sign on the Seward Peninsula
1 trucker’s hat, 1 straw cowboy hat, and a floppy orange sun hat that looks divine with the aforementioned raincoat.
Another pair of Chacos
My 20-year-old wind shirt that I bought at a yard sale because Kate told me I couldn’t live without it – she was right
Oh, hell, yeah – there’s my spare key!
A backpack Disintegrating dog bed – I really need to get him a new one
Another egg carton
The snack bag that we took to Dolly Parton
That show was in July
Bottle of Tums
A bra catalog for women who have boobs
3 dog leashes (we have 2 dogs)
Running shoe – Jeeze, how many pairs of running shoes can a gal own?
2 hardboiled eggs rolling about in the truck bed
Empty perfume bottle
5 pairs of over the counter reading Glasses
My missing wallet
A ham bone
My gym teacher whistle (I subbed in March)
My non-functional garage door opener
Paint chips – I painted the house in February
11 to do lists dating back to my job in January
Note about Lena Dunham butt dialing?
A pig bucket
More running shoes and another cookbook
*Right now you’re probably wondering if I drive a semi
Dolly Parton CD
Ice Cube CD
2 full bug sprays
Handful of sugar packets
Countless hair elastics – the breeding Type
An athletic catalog for football players
Pens for writing in my journal, pens for lists while I’m driving, broken pens, pens for my hair, pens I’ve pilfered from various locales
½ pound of dog hair
A lot of rocks
Suzanne Strazza is an award-winning writer in Mancos, Colo.