Instant karma

Print this article

Maybe John Lennon was right about Instant Karma. Maybe it will look you right in the face.

Or stomp on it.

In South Africa, three poachers slipped into Kruger National Park hoping to bag a rhino. You just know that trying to kill an endangered species is inviting some bad karma.

Sure enough, one of the poachers was trampled to death by elephants and then eaten by hungry lions!

You have to be wary of animals – especially a cassowary.

A cassowary is a flightless bird, like an emu, that stands about six feet tall. It can run more than 30 mph, so don’t think you’re going to outrun one. They are native to Australia, so the odds of encountering one are slim. But weird things happen in the Sunshine State. A Florida man was raising cassowaries to sell to people who collect exotic birds. One homesick cassowary figured if he couldn’t get back to Australia he might as well send the breeder Down Under. While in the bird’s cage the breeder tripped and fell – and the cassowary promptly attacked him with its four-inch talons. The man was killed.

Since we’re talking about Florida, how about this story? A man attempted to use a fake $100 bill to buy scratch-off tickets. Maybe he should have spent it on reading lessons, since the bill had “For Movie Use Only” stamped on it.

Sometimes people are just looking to start some crap.

Ohio residents Bo Cosens and Rachel Sharrock live next to a school. The teachers had been on strike for three weeks and the dastardly duo was fed up with noise from the picket line and the constant horn-honking of supporters. But when they took action, the stuff really hit the fan.

Maybe the nefarious neighbors sang “Skip to my Loo” as they baked cookies for the teachers – using laxatives as a secret ingredient!

It didn’t long for law enforcement to track down the “poopertrators” since the couple made a Facebook video of them making the cookies. Now the pair of wasteful wastrels face one felony charge and several misdemeanors.

None of the striking workers ate any of the contaminated cookies – but maybe a lizard did. In South Africa, Nick Evans came across a Nile monitor lizard in a gas-station restroom. He suffered minor wounds as he wrangled the reptile into submission. He later released it back into the wild.

Jeff Heinig of Michigan is a lucky man. Even his mistakes turn out to be profitable. He bought a Lucky for Life lottery ticket but didn’t match any of the numbers. He threw the useless ticket in the trash – until the next day.

Heinig happened to see the winning numbers and realized they were the numbers he always played. He had checked his ticket before the drawing!

Heinig retrieved his ticket and claimed his prize – a cool $25,000 a year for life!

People in Pflugerville, Texas, really like snakes, apparently. Usually the most exciting thing in town is trying to pronounce Pflugerville, but that changed when the local library announced it was hosting an anti-prom event that would include a DJ and snakes.

The library was deluged with callers asking about the snakes, so the library had to issue a correction. The ad that promised snakes was just a typo – it should have said snacks.

Not to worry, though. The Pflugerville library does have an event with snakes coming up in May!

Finally, let’s wish good karma to Frederick, a cashier at a Greenfield, Mass., supermarket. When an elderly woman didn’t have enough money for groceries, Frederick gave her $20 to buy her items.

John Christian Hopkins lives in Sanders, Ariz.. He is a veteran journalist – but never an enemy of the people.

Print this article

From John Christian Hopkins.