What’s in my grocery shopping cart for the week:
• Gallons upon gallons of whole milk
• 164-load laundry detergent (that I had to drag across the floor, unable to lift it)
• Family-size box of instant mashed potatoes (along with a pound of butter)
• Two dozen bagels
• A stack of salami, another of turkey breast and a third stack of ham
• Yellow mustard (god forbid I should get Dijon)
• Two-pound block of cheese, Two bags shredded cheese and 1 stack sliced cheese for sandwiches
• Two loaves of bread
• Two packages English muffins (they were 2 for 1)
• Three frozen pizzas (all Meat-Lovers)
• A dozen burritos (beef, bean and green chili)
• Hot sauce – three Varieties
• Two-pound bag of popcorn
• Crackers
•Tortilla chips (large bag) • Jug of Pace salsa
• Giant bag of generic chicken nuggets (so gross, I know)
• Several bottles of BBQ sauce (goes on EVERYTHING)
• A couple of pounds of pasta shells. Organic.
• (Really? Yes, I always buy organic pasta – it balances out the instant potatoes)
• A gallon of red sauce
• Multiple very large bags of cereal – healthy and sugar-free.
• Many many green apples (if I leave these sitting around in random places in the house, they will absentmindedly get eaten)
• A bunch of asparagus (an acceptable green vegetable)
• Disclaimer: I DO belong to a CSA, so there is more green food in my house than what is listed here.
• Maple syrup (For Waffle Night)
• One two-pack mac and cheese
• Four bottles of shampoo
• Two Axe deodorants
• Two containers Noxema Skin Pads
• Brownie mix
• Snyders pretzels
• Ranch dressing (like the BBQ sauce – it goes on everything)
• 1500 rolls of toilet paper
• Twenty-four Brats
• Six pounds ground beef
• Two whole chickens (these are also organic – balances out the chicken nuggets)
• Twin pack Ibuprofen
• Dish soap
• 1000 razors
• Dove Dark Chocolate to hide in my underwear Drawer
As I am checking out, the guy behind the register stops with my final item: a Saint Jude Candle, Patron Saint of Lost Causes. He holds the candle in his hand, looks at the bags of (crap) food spilling out of my cart and says, “You must have teenage boys.”
Suzanne Strazza writes from Mancos, Colo. Read her blog, Single in the Southwest, at suzannestrazza.wordpress.com.
