Have you ever heard someone cussing and thought that they resorted to such language because of not being smart enough to express themselves any other way?
Yup, you’re not alone. But science has something to tell you: %$&$ you.
A psychology professor at the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts believes the exact opposite. Professor emeritus Timothy Jay says swearing may actually be a sign of higher intelligence.
Oh, fudge! Who the +*%# knew that?
Jay says there are many advantages to swearing.
A 2015 study that he authored suggested that people with higher intelligence come up with a wider variety of curse words than those of lower IQ.
The study involved normal people who were given three letters and asked to write as many words as they could in an allotted time. Then they were asked to take those three letters and come up with cuss words for them.
The people who came up with the most regular words also managed to come up with a more vulgar vocabulary.
But it’s not just a sign of intelligence. Oh, #!@# no! It also demonstrates good social skills because you know when it is appropriate to use cuss words and when it is not.
Another thing swearing indicates is honesty, according to Jay. (Which reminds me, if anyone wants to buy beachfront property in Arizona, contact me!)
Need an example? What about General Custer? If one of his scouts had told him, “General, there’s a lot of &$#& Indians down there!” Custer may have thought twice at the Little Bighorn.
If you think about it, a swear word used artfully here and there would spice anything you had to say.
Would more progress have been made in civil rights if Martin Luther King had said, “I have a #$$%%* dream!”
And what would Russia have thought if John F. Kennedy had declared, “The %$@! torch has been passed to a new &*%@ generation!”
So go ahead, throw down an F-bomb or a scatological reference – show people how intelligent and honest you really are.
Maybe you’re thinking, “Wow, I didn’t know swearing was so good for you!”
Well, that’s not all! Order before midnight tonight and you’ll also get – a release from pain, more endurance and show your creativity.
Yep, a study found that people who swear can endure more pain than those that do not. And for longer periods of time.
Yeah, right, tell that to my (bleep)ing back.
Did you know that cursing is also a good defensive weapon? Instead of throwing haymakers, tossing out a profanity-laced string of ancestral references or anatomically impossible sexual suggestions helps to release stress and anger.
Okay, you are starting to believe me. But you have one question: What is this bullcrap about cussing demonstrating creativity?
Well, the right side of the brain is considered the creative side. Studies have found that people who suffer strokes on their right side become less able to tell or understand a joke, become less emotional and stop swearing – even if they swore a lot before the stroke.
Now, full disclosure, I have suffered two strokes – the last one in January – so maybe I am less creative and can no longer tell a joke. So, if you don’t find this column humorous, I have a suggestion for you:
Kiss my #$$.
John Christian Hopkins lives in Sanders, Ariz., with his wife, Sararesa. He is a veteran journalist – but never an enemy of the people – and a former nationally syndicated columnist. He is the author of many books, including “Carlomagno: Adventures of the Pirate Prince of the Wampanoag.” He is a member of the Narragansett Indian Tribe of Rhode Island.