Category Archives: John Christian Hopkins

Did you know that the first toilet was a royal flush? In 1596 Sir John Harrington, a member of Queen Elizabeth I’s court, invented the first flush toilet. It took nearly 200 years be­fore Alexander Cumming received the first patent … Continue reading →

Attention, Native Americans! It has got­ten a little safer for you to visit Colorado. You can thank Colorado Gov. Jared Polis for that. Polis rescinded a proclamation that has been on the books since the 19th century. The 1864 proclama­tion … Continue reading →

Okay, we all know that people do dumb things. Now, I’m not talking about locking your­self out of the car or a fast food worker putting French fries in your bag upside down. Sure, they are silly mistakes, but you … Continue reading →

In baseball history a lot of great names have passed through Cleveland – names like Cy Young, Napoleon Lajoie, Bob Feller and Louis Sockalexsis. You’re probably saying to yourself: Louis Who? He was the Ameri­can Indian the Cleve­land baseball team … Continue reading →

Hopefully, you’ll add this piece to your face­tiae collection. Facetiae means witty or amus­ing remarks or writings. I can honestly say that on a scale of 1-to-10 my wife, Sararesa, is a definite sweven. That’s not a misspelling; nor is … Continue reading →

Have you ever heard someone cussing and thought that they resorted to such language because of not being smart enough to express themselves any other way? Yup, you’re not alone. But science has something to tell you: %$&$ you. A … Continue reading →

As you might expect, the liberals couldn’t wait to criticize presidential senior advisor Jared Kushner after a recent comment. Kushner merely stated the obvious: that Blacks in America aren’t successful because they don’t want to be. The lamestream media was … Continue reading →

Social media is abuzz with the rumor that statues honoring Elvis Presley are about to be all shook up by angry protesters. If you’re a Black Lives Matter protester, know that I am not unsympathetic to the cause; don’t step … Continue reading →

I suppose it’s possible that I have a mentally challenged cellphone. I can supposedly do voice-to-text, but the results are not always what I wanted. For some reason my phone – which I have named “Ernesto Telefono” – can’t seem … Continue reading →

Having always loved history I was looking forward to America’s bi-centennial. I envisioned parades and historical speeches. I was excited to see America display its greatness to the world. To revel in how far we’d come in only 200 years. … Continue reading →

Regular readers of the Four Corners Free Press have probably wondered why they haven’t heard from me in a while. Well, I was on special assignment to dig up dirt on former Vice President Joe Biden. I planned to give … Continue reading →

At the risk of having my Official Man Club membership revoked, I must admit that I’m not very good at mechanical things, or modern technology. I was reminded of that recently while visiting Northland Pioneer College in Holbrook, Ariz. I … Continue reading →

Maybe John Lennon was right about Instant Karma. Maybe it will look you right in the face. Or stomp on it. In South Africa, three poachers slipped into Kruger National Park hoping to bag a rhino. You just know that … Continue reading →

I tell you, I can’t catch a break. Nothing goes right for me. Just the other day I was watching a Youtube video by some 15-year-old boy who is known as The Backpack Kid. It’s called “Flossin” and it looked … Continue reading →

Perhaps Sherlock Holmes is needed? After all, the game’s afoot – but not everyone wants to toe the line. For roughly a century the non-native – mostly Republican – voters in San Juan County, Utah, have controlled the political landscape. … Continue reading →

Hello, friends, Dr. Peter Bigg-Pickle here. I am the Federal Official of Length (FOOL). It was recently brought to my attention that porn star Stormy Daniels publicly insinuated that President Donald Trump was lacking size in one particular area of … Continue reading →

I come to praise President Trump, not to bury him. Now that he has clarified that only 80 percent of the media are enemies of the people, I can finally come forward as a true-blue – or is it orange? … Continue reading →

The issue of sexual harassment has been in the news lately and some prominent men have fallen into disgrace because of it. That’s a good thing, as public discussion of the issue is long overdue. But what seems to be … Continue reading →

Two black guys walk into a Starbuck’s … Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. I mean, we’ve been inundated recently with frightened (?) white people calling the police to report black people for suspicious behavior, such as golfing … Continue reading →

There are three names that will almost always get a negative reaction from Native Americans: Andrew Jackson, George Custer and our 16th president, Abraham Lincoln – who was born on Feb. 12. Jackson’s genocidal actions toward Native Americans cannot be … Continue reading →

By now you’ve probably heard all about how President Donald Trump referred to African nations as “Schmittholes.” Were you outraged? You shouldn’t have been. I mean you should expect a potty mouth from someone who has “rump” in his name, … Continue reading →

The first toilet was a royal flush. In 1596 Sir John Harrington, a member of Queen Elizabeth I’s court, invented the first flush toilet. It took nearly 200 years before Alexander Cumming received the first patent for a toilet. In … Continue reading →

Okay, I’m mad as hell – and I’m not going to take it anymore. Well, I might take it, but not before I rant and rave for a while. Sara and I just moved to Newcomb, N.M., and finally got … Continue reading →

Like Michael Jackson said, it’s close to midnight – and there’s something lurking in the dark. It’s happiness and bliss. It’s joy and gratitude. It’s a crazy little thing called love. This is Sept. 22, 2017, and Sara and I … Continue reading →

Forty years ago – Aug. 16, 1977 – The King died on the throne. It was an infamous ending for one of the most famous men to ever live. Elvis Aron Presley was only 42 when he died, leaving his … Continue reading →

Yoo-hoo, Wahoo, someone’s watching you. That someone is a Canadian tribunal which might consider whether the team logo of Major League Baseball’s Cleveland Indians is racist or not. The logo in question is a grinning Native American caricature known as … Continue reading →

When my mother-in-law, Bernice Austin-Begay, went to high school, one of the classes she took was “Bachelor Survival,” which taught the boys useful home-ec-type skills they would need after graduation. She recalled how some of the boys wanted to learn … Continue reading →

When my mother-in-law, Bernice Austin-Begay, went to high school, one of the classes she took was “Bachelor Survival,” which taught the boys useful home-ec-type skills they would need after graduation. She recalled how some of the boys wanted to learn … Continue reading →

Unbeknownst to my wife, Sara, I have been secretly studying and am close to earning my master’s in Begayisms. My wife’s maiden name is Begay and I soon discovered that her family has their own little ways of speaking, with … Continue reading →

Unbeknownst to my wife, Sara, I have been secretly studying and am close to earning my master’s in Begayisms. My wife’s maiden name is Begay and I soon discovered that her family has their own little ways of speaking, with … Continue reading →

So you think you know me? Well, what if I shared my life story with you – using alternative facts? First, let me assure you that nothing would change from the original story of my birth. I was born a … Continue reading →

The result of November’s big election sure caught me by surprise. I never even thought he had a chance, but, then, what do I know? But it really happened: The Rock was named People magazine’s sexiest man alive. You heard right, I … Continue reading →

Friends add spice to our lives. We all need someone to hang out with or to shoot the bull with. However, this presidential election is already one of the most divisive in history, and will likely only get worse. So … Continue reading →

OK, call me old-fashioned, but what is this Pokémon Go stuff all about? I remember my oldest nephew, Jacob, used to really like them. I think they were collectible cards or something. I had no idea there were so many … Continue reading →

As the most famous journalist in America, I was able to interview Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump. Me: There was a recent incident in Orlando, Florida – Trump: It was just terrible. So bad. It’s Obama’s fault. Me: I was … Continue reading →

I spent most of my life as a journalist, believing that I was keeping the public informed of the important events of the day. But today I was listening to CNN and realized how embarrassed I am about the state … Continue reading →

A few weeks ago a jury awarded ESPN sportscaster Erin Andrews $55 million in a case involving her being secretly filmed nude in her hotel room. And now Hulkamania is running wild! On March 18, a jury awarded former wrestling … Continue reading →

I was excited when Cortez librarian Kathy Berg asked if I would consider taking part in February’s Amazing Authors Tour. My partner-in-crime on the three-city tour was none other than David Feela, one of my favorite Four Corners Free Press columnists. I only … Continue reading →

All in all, I think I had a pretty successful year in 2015. I mean, first off, I wasn’t killed by the police. It seems like there are too many minorities that can’t say that. And, secondly, I wasn’t sexually … Continue reading →